>> Tuesday, January 29, 2008

>> Monday, January 21, 2008

What Raissa Means

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

>>

What Huraizah Means

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

>> Thursday, January 17, 2008

See! I can't even produce a title. I'm feeling very shitty today. I can't put my finger on the problem. Spending time alone the whole day today,made me realise a lot of things. Especially WHERE I STAND RIGHT NOW. Well, that's enough to make me feel all worked up and bloody shitty.

I hate it whenever I'm in this mode. I feel so alone. No one to turn to,no one to pour my problems to. I get fickle easily. One moment I decided to leave, the next moment I decided to stay.

Ok I admit it, I'm one insecure bitch. Thanks to you Mister!

Everything I do is never good enough huh? I need to give you the world to prove you wrong?

I don't wanna brag about this anymore. I should stop complaining. Coz now I know where I stand. I'm neither here nor there. I have nothing, and so I shall shut my gap and be grateful.

"God, please help me in this. I have nothing and no one now. I'm fighting this battle alone. I don't wanna ask for anything else. Just tell me whether I need to stay or leave.."

** This made me realise that I don't love you like I did yesterday.
I love you, but today I hate you.
We're cool but not today.

>> Sunday, January 13, 2008

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both
I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
I Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babeI
t hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep


But we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way.....

>> Saturday, January 12, 2008

Okay, I just feel that I need to jot something down,despite my un-frequent updates. In fact,I actually stopped blogging. But I'll give this a shot. Coz I'm desperate. And I need to let this go, I need to clear these uneasy feelings...


Things have been in topsy turvy during the yester year. But still, I'm grateful. This was what I wished and hoped for long time ago. And finally I'm free. Finally I thought ya, this is exactly what I want and how I want things to be..


Well, obviously you don't get the best from two sides of the world. Regret? I don't know. But God showed me enough to let me realised that this is not meant for me. Every single big or small things that happened made me stronger but weaker at the same time. At times I just feel like running away. I just feel like hiding and cover my face and cry alone. Because everything is the same. Yes I'm free,but not how I want it to be.



I'm still drowning. Getting in and out of misery. Often feel that I should end everything, end my life instantly. I don't know why I still wait and let it happen. I still feel that it's worth it. I still don't wanna give up. Even if I know that I can't go through this anymore.

Ok let me go straight to the point. I had enough of beating around the bush about what I'm feeling deep down inside. Call me stupid, call me anything. But I guess that God is teaching me a lesson and at the same time He'll have something good in store for me.

It's not about my family anymore. I won't be bragging about my mom or my dad anymore like I used to. Our ties have been severed long time ago. And I don't wanna go into details about what happened.

Now is about Him. Is about me and Him. I'll explain it this way.

"I still remember you promise me happiness, love and protection. In fact everything under the sun. I wasn't prepared at first. I had doubts at first. I told you that I wasn't sure. I told you that this might not be right. But you assured me. You gave and showed me everything just to let me see that you were true, that you were sincere. I stumble, you lifted me up. Whenever I see you,whenever I look you through your eyes, I was certain then, that this must be it. Whatever you promised were real, you were real.

It was bliss at the beginning. You were there for me. You made me strong. Well, I'm strong because of you. You gave the attention and love that I was deprived for all these years. And at that moment, I was nothing more than happy and grateful.

I thought that this will stay. But good things always come to an end. And so it did for me. It was all the same all over again. I felt worst actually. I can't believe that it turned out this way. I can't believe that you turned out cold. And I always have this mindset that it was my fault. That after a while I became a burden to you. That my presence just blew everything. Everything turned sour. We drifted apart.

Everyday with every worthless worth we said we got more far away. The distance between us made it so hard stay. But I was patient. I tried to pull through, I had many falls but I still continue this. Because I don't wanna think that I made a grave mistake. Because this was my choice, this was what I want. You are what I want. I don't wanna be a laughing stock to my parents. That's why I still stay. Even if I was hurt bad, I still try,still holding on.

It was ok then, but it got worst again. There were so many things that you did that hurts me deep. It's not that I'm saying that it wasn't my fault at all. I did mistakes too. But yours were too serious. And I gave you too many chances. Even if at times I woke up in the morning and made a decision to leave, but when I see you, you made me weak. And so I stayed.

You broke my heart too many times. Even if you know it wasn't whole to start with. There was a time that I thought I had enough, and I left. But you looked for me. You wanted and needed me back. You cried. You told me you were sorry. You promised me that it won't happened again. You promised me whatever you promised me at the start.

I relented. I thought you were sincere and things will turn out bliss again. But NO. It's the same. It got worst babe. I couldn't cry anymore,because I cried too much. I couldn't tell you that I was gonna leave,because you always know how to work your way through and made me stay.

Then I heard stories about you. Things that I don't believe that you will do it. You denied. You told me that all that was untrue. And once again I forgave you. I let it go...

And now,you know I know what the ultimate problem is. You told me you were happy about it. You told me how estatic you were. I didn't believe you. But then again when it comes to you, I will go weak. And I trusted your words.

Things did turned back to how I want it to be. You are here for me now. You showed me how much you love me and that you care. You told me that I am the one. That no matter what, I'm always the one. You told me that it's only me that you love.

But baby, is this only for a while? Whatever you said, is it just to cover your shit? Or is it for real?

You know damn well how I always feel about you. Even when we were separated few years back, this feeling never change, even for an inch. How much more must I show you? What more that you want from me?

Sigh.. Well baby, I don't mind getting hurt. But not by You. Because I always think that you're the person that will only make me happy and that you won't hurt me. And you jolly well know, no matter what, you are still the one that I want, I see my future in your eyes. You're still the nice guy that I know. You're still the one that makes me laugh. You're still the one who catches my back. You're still the one who makes me happy. You're still the one that knows how to love me like how I want to be loved.

You've done so much for me. You were by my side when the world was against me. You were the one who will wipe my tears. You are still the one who never fails to make me smile. I'm stronger thanks to you. I am so grateful that you helped me alot that I don't know how else to repay you. I thank you for that..

But you just can't look me in the eyes and tell me that you're sorry. And tell me that you love me... Let's start fresh, I need you most right now... "

>> Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Oh great! I'm broke,bankrupt and a massive hole in my pocket. *shrug*. Bless my soul because i have no money to do anything or whatsoever.. I need to get myself a new pair of shoes,in fact,everything new. And i definitely need to save up for boyfriend's birthday,which is just around the corner. *screams*



On a brighter note, my holidays are coming. Exams are next week.I'm half prepared. Yay?


Oh well,i'll end here then..


Gdnight beautiful people!


i miss you love!

>> The One

Huraizah @ Raissa
19
Arian
camwhore
ciggies
Him

"i deal with pain and violence"

>> Exits

Ana
Deeyana
Fara
Iyliani
Jay
Jessica
Kamila
Nadia
Syirah
Zuliana

>> Say It here!

>> Credits

Designer : [ psychotic-sanity ]
Brushes : [ spy-glass ]
Textures : [ jigsaw-puzzla ]
Images : [ ru glamour ]